Sunday 19 May 2013


Bridgwater International Cup losing Senior team
Every year Bridgwater International enters a team or two for the Bristol-Nicaragua twinning festival the 'Sandino cup', which pits international(ish) football teams against one another in a sunny playing field in the grounds of Ashton Court. This year we entered two teams Bridgwater international and Bridgwater International Juniors (who were marginally younger).

The bad news started when it became apparent that self-declared 'star player' Councillor Smedley pronounced himself temporarily unfit and within several minutes was asleep on the touchlines.


Enter the Dicky
More bad news followed as traffic chaos on the M5 delayed the arrival of the junior team and master of all trades jack of none 'Dicky Weaving' , who was meant to be playing for the seniors.

Never mind. Time and Sandino waits for no one in particular and so off they went. 3 Slovaks and 2 Brits kicked off and within 14 minutes had lost 5.1 to Dynamo Henleaze. Meanwhile on the adjoining pitch, the Juniors still hadn't turned up so their first game against St.Werburghs Hotspurs was lost by default. 


And so it went on, until finally Dicky and the 7th cavalry arrived. Bridgwater Juniors clinched a sensational 1.0 victory over Real Madras and Bridgwater Seniors held the mighty Arno's Vale Academicals to a 1.1 draw.

But then it all turned to shit and they all lost the rest of their games finishing bottom of their respective groups, now with the prospect of playing each other in the supplementary competition for losers the Shit TrayTrophy. 

Sadly it wasn't to be. The Juniors went down several nil to the Easton Cowboys and the Seniors went down at least 3.0 to Red Star Bedminster.
Man of the match, Steve 'no goals' Miles


On the positive side, much money was raised for Nicaragua, chimichangas were eaten and enchiladas donned as inappropriate headgear, whilst on the negative side one Bridgwater player was banned - although we're not sure whether this was for hitting someone or for not hitting one particularly rubbish referee.


Shortly after the tournament finished with  the surprise and frankly pathetic defeat of both Bridgwater teams, for who the organisers had to invent a new category of 'more than last' , revelations as to the role played by two apparently innocent and apparently female 'supporters' of the Bridgwater side present on the day. After extensive investigations by our team of experts and his mate Dave, it was shockingly revealed late last night in a kebab shop that the two nominally innocent 'groupies' were in fact multi billionaire Russian oligarchs working for the neo Stalinist Red Star Bedminster team who are currently in the pockets of top Putinista bathroom fittings magnate and UKIP donor, Frodo Tokalotashajt. 

former KGB 'match fixing' operatives at work
Laszlo and Dennis Grunszch, pictured left , told our reporter "Ok, so we paid Mr Dicky to throw the game, it's no secret now, but he knows we are holding his favourite toupee, the keys to his treasured Sinclair C5 and his poodle Trevor in a remote location in Vladivostok-so what would you do in his position? Ey? Big boy?" 

Answers on a postcard.

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