YET AGAIN FOOTBALL'S NOT COMING HOME

"All the big names were there"

This years Sandino Football tournament in Bristol sponsored by the Nicaraguan Link Committee saw two Bridgwater International teams challenge the might of  that city's Multinational communities in their bid for ball foot related excitement and to regain a trophy we've never yet won.

The Bridgwater International A team-wearing Leeds United white  , captained by Steve 'quite a good footballer' Miles, and consisting of a full complement of sports teachers, athletes, running enthusiasts and people who knew how to play football easily won their group with 5 straight victories over tough opponents including Dynamo Horfield, Red Star Henleaze, Dukla Westbury on Trym, Partizan Bedminster and Chipping Sodbury Cub Scouts , therefore qualifying for the next round of the Sandino Cup. Sadly that's where their luck ran out as they met the Chilean Exiles 'los Hombres divertidos de Santiago' who thrashed them 1.0. Steve Miles said after the game "I'm 64 you know."

Not very good

"The A Team"

The tournament was clearly a game of two halves and two teams of varying abilities. So the Bridgwater International B team  not only featured continental goalscoring legend (he scored one in La Ciotat last year ) Brian 'councillor' Smedley, it also starred 4 guys called John from Trig Engineering and the worlds dirtiest player Richard 'bites your mars bar' Weaving.

Kitted out for luck in Blackpool colours of orange and white, the 'Special B's ' were nevertheless defeated 1.0 in a hard fought 7 minutes each way game against  St.Werburghs Hotspurs. Totally exhausted now they nevertheless took to the pitch for their second game against a team of ultra fit young students from a primary school in the Yate area and lost 2.0.

A bit rubbish

"The B Team"

Their third game saw them pitted against the infamous 'La Ruca' (Spanish for 'pretty good players who never lose') and went down 3.0.


Their fourth game saw a more determined effort against what they assumed to be easier opponents 'Montpelier Little  Sisters of Mercy' and lost 4.0.

quite poor in fact

By the time of their fifth game, this time against the Easton Desperadoes, they came out hard and physical. Weaving was rebuked several times by the referee for late tackles - one so late that his opponent was getting changed in the clubhouse  at the time. Smedley moved cautiously 2 metres either side of the centre spot as the game swung backwards and forward and the 4 guys from Trig did all the actual playing. 

Absolute tripe

As Weaving was booked for a a low kick to the referees throat in a vain attempt to stop him blowing the whistle, the game came to the end with a mathematically brilliant 5.0 defeat.

"Footballers playing football"

All wasn't lost however, as the rubbishest teams were entered into a second tournament the 'Sandino plate' so the B team had a chance to redeem themselves. 

Up against Ashley Down Ashthmatics they fought a hard game and kicked the ball at least 4 times during the match. Sadly a single goal decided it and out went Bridgwater's finest*.

 (*poss misheard)